Mortgage nightmare

I bought my house in 2007, it was my first house (and will probably be the only one I own in my life - except perhaps if Nick and I move at any stage and get a joint mortgage).

Recently I let it out to a couple of lads, and so I had to inform the mortgage company that I wasn't living there and that it would be let out long term - cue MORTGAGE NIGHTMARE!

Firstly my current mortgage company told me that they required me to apply for a 'buy to let' mortgage, which is totally fine......but then they told me that they would not give me one!

So, after phoning a few mortgage companies I was told that because I do not own the house I'm living in (it's Nick's house and I'm not on the deeds) I was not eligible for 'buy to let' - so what were my options? I was told to either move back in or sell the house!! Neither were going to happen.

I phoned Which? mortgage brokers and got them on the case.....and finally they found a single mortgage company who would take me.  So I payed the £399 brokerage fee and we started the application.

I'd like to say it's been simple but it's been a bloody nightmare!  Mainly as I got married and haven't changed all of my identification documents.  My passport and driving licence are still in my maiden name as we are going on holiday to America and the tickets were booked in that name, and also as I was informed that I should keep everything in one name until after I returned as US officials can't cope with name changes.

So I made the mortgage application in my married name, and gave ID and a copy of the marriage certificate - so far so good.

I was told that they had everything they needed......and then days before I leave the country for a month I get an email asking for certified copies of my driving licence, passport and marriage certificate. 

This afternoon I took a few hours out of work to get the driving licence and passport certified in the post office in the centre of town (the only post office in the whole city that can do this service), and also discovered that it's not possible to get them to certify a Marriage Certificate.....and the solicitors have said in their letter that I shouldn't send an original as it would NOT be returned.

I'm so frustrated, I've spent the best part of today trying to sort this out and trying to contact them.  Not only to they not answer the phone (I've left 3 voice mails), they actually haven't even given me a postal address to return the forms to!!!

Talk about annoyed!  Anyway, I'm going to send what I've got and then forget about it until I return after my holiday.  I'm not giving it anymore headspace.

Books in the post

As as always been the case, there's too much going on in my life!  If you read back on this blog you'll see I'm always trying to do too much - although I do think I've got better at taking time for myself and relaxing.

But recently I've been really frazzled and it's my own fault - Nick and I have not had a holiday this year.  We decided that we'd like to go to America, specifically San Francisco.  There's so much to see there that I was adamant that we should go for 3 weeks.....so that used up all of our holiday allowance.

And, it's been a long time coming....we haven't been away since our honeymoon in October last year.

So I'm frazzled, stressed and exhausted.

And yesterday this book by Ruby Wax arrived in the post from Amazon - but I didn't order it and there was no packing note....so who sent it to me?  I've no idea (it wasn't Nick).

So I'm going to read it whilst we are on holiday!

Oh, and I should also say that last week another book arrived in the post for me, it was from Nick this time (he came clean).  I'm making no comment about who he's referring to (although he did say he included himself!!)

Inspired

I'm not sure what it is about being at Alison and Mike's but I always feel inspired when I'm down in Charmouth with them.

Something about the company (Alison is an artist), or the house (its full of interesting bits and pieces), or perhaps it's being near the sea?

It's no surprise that it's whilst being down here that I've returned to this blog.

I always come away from Dorset with my head full of ideas of things to make and do.....maybe this time I'll actually do something?

Hello stranger

It's been a long time since I wrote on here, for so many reasons.....I'm currently trying to decide if I should start again.......

One thing I do know is that I don't need my blog as therapy which I know it was for many years after my parents died.  I'm also not convinced I have the time to write - but maybe I should try to find the time.

I've still got things to say, I'm just not convinced I need to say them in the same way anymore.

We'll see!

My awards for 2015

I saw this online somewhere, I can't remember where.  Some guy gave awards each year, I thought I'd do the same.  These are mine for 2015.

1. Favourite New Person – This one's a no brainer, it has to be Nick, my lovely boyfriend.  We met in July through the Real Junk Food Project, and in September he asked me out - four months later we are madly in love! 
2. Most Improved Friend – This has to go to Niamh.  We've known each other for a while through other friends, but last year she really saved my sanity by allowing me to live in her house, and allowing me to become Bubba's second mum!
3. Best Memory – talking until 3am on first date with Nick!
4. Most Exciting Moment – arriving in Vietnam.
5. Most Frightening/Worst Moment – Two came very close together (in same week).  Finding out that Liz has terminal cancer, and being told that Jon Humble had committed suicide.
6. Miscellaneous Award – to my little brother, Richard, who I know would really be there if I needed him.
7. Family of the Year – A late entry here, but without a doubt it has to be Nick's children, and his wife's family.  Only nine months after Eleanor passed away they accepted me and welcomed me into their family - their generosity has completely blown me away.  I feel so lucky.
8. Place of the Year – Vietnam.  I started the year in Goa which I'd grown to hate, so I guess wherever I went next would have been good - but, I couldn't have wished for a better place.  I loved Vietnam, the places, sights, sounds and people.  I can't wait to return.
9. Song/Film/Game of the Year – Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson because it makes me smile and is great to sing along to!  Film has to be 'The Lady in the Van' as it was brilliant.
10. The 100% Clare Martin Award –  to my best friend Liz, who puts up with me and puts me straight - I don't know how I'd cope without her.
11. Best Virtual Person – Neil Davis - although I have met him in real life, he's basically a FB friend.  He's always quick with a virtual hug or words of encouragement. 
12. Most Significant Blunder – taking a 'corporate' job just because the money was good.
13. Greatest Life Lesson – Listen to your heart.

An update

I've promised myself I'd get back to my blog, but to be honest things have been moving so fast and so much has been happening that I've never really found the time to write stuff!  But there are a few things I'd like to record, and I'd also like to try and start writing regularly again.

Although meeting Nick has been absolutely fantastic and I'm happier than I've been for a long time; 2015 hasn't been a very good year for me.

Starting in Goa which I hated, I was very pleased to move on to Vietnam.  I spent a month in Vietnam traveling by bus from Hanoi to Ho Chi Min City and loved every minute of it - the people and places were by far my favourite (along side Nepal).  I then spent a few months in Thailand, Laos and Cambodia; but to be honest I should have come back to the UK straight from Vietnam - I was exhausted and fed up of travelling.

I returned to the UK in March with no idea what I was going to do.  Since everyone had gone on about Workaway and volunteering on farms I signed up for three weeks on a small holding in Devon - what a mistake, myself and an Australian couple left after less than 24 hours (the father of the family was a bully and i wouldn't be surprised if he was beating his wife and children, I honestly didn't feel comfortable leaving them there but she told me that it was God's plan for her to be there with him!!).

My next Workaway wasn't much better, but it was at least bearable.  I ended up in a council flat in Aberdeen with a crazy ex-drug addict unemployed comedian who was trying to write her autobiography and wanted help.  She spent most of the days sleeping, and all night writing and watching crap tv.  I stayed a month as I had nowhere else to go.

In May Liz had to go for a hysterectomy as they thought she had fibroids, I returned to Sheffield to look after her (she wouldn't be able to drive or do much about the house).  However it all turned more nasty than we'd thought as she was diagnosed with cancer; the hysterectomy had hopefully removed it all but radiotherapy was given.

I was living at Niamh and had continued my love affair with her dog, Bubba!  Obviously with Liz being ill I wanted to stay in Sheffield, and I also wanted to get my house back.  After a bit of work at the university, in August I found a job with a banking communications company, and moved into a shared house in Meersbrook whilst also giving the required two months notice to my tenants.

Both were a massive mistake.  The job had been advertised as 'Project Coordinator', but was nothing of the sort!  It was basically a data entry job, but with a very very difficult in house system.  Fine, but the company had no training programme and the department was over stretched.  The woman they assigned to 'train' me was a nasty bully, and we really didn't get on.  After three months of crying in the toilet most days and hating every minute of it; of being shouted at and making mistakes as they hadn't bothered to show me what to do properly I walked out - literally, in the middle of the day.

Not the best move, but my mental health is more important than my bank balance.

But around the same time all this nastiness was happening, something rather wonderful happened. Since returning to Sheffield I'd volunteered a few times for a friend's project, The Real Junk Food Project Sheffield.  This is a campaign to make sure that food isn't wasted; surplus supermarket food, out of date food that's fit to eat, and other un-used food.  We use it to feed anyone who'd like to eat it, on a pay as you feel basis.  But that's not the wonderful thing (although that's been good too).

The great thing that's happened has been meeting a man; Nick.  I've blogged abut meeting him already, but I can honestly say that he's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.  We've just sort of 'clicked'.

It's early January as I write this and we've decided that I'm going to move in with him and his daughter, probably in the next couple of months (we both need to get rid of a lot of stuff and then I'll need to find a tenant for my house).

Just before Christmas in the space of a week I received two lots of really shit news.  

Firstly my dear friend (and ex-colleague), Jon, took his own life.  He'd had a really bad year, with problems at work, a failed relationship and money problems, and obviously it all got to much for him.  His death brought back a load of shit for me surrounding Martin (it's 20 years ago that he died), and really knocked me sideways.

Then Liz had been feeling really ill for a few weeks and had gone for a scan, the results couldn't have been worse; the cancer had spread and isn't treatable.  They haven't given us a timescale but it's not long.

They've offered her chemo, as a palliative measure, hopefully to make her feel better and to give her a bit more time.  But it won't cure her and so we have to prepare ourselves.

Losing Jon was bad, but the thought of losing my best friend is really hard.  I know it sounds selfish but I'm not sure how I'll cope without her (especially when I've got pmt, she's the only thing that keeps me going some months).

At the moment as I'm unemployed I'm going to appointments with her and spending as much time as possible with her - we're supporting each other I think.

Christmas was good (there's a post about that already), but I can honestly say that I'm not sorry to see the end of 2015.  

I know I've got some real challenges to come in 2016, but having Nick in my life makes me feel more able to deal with what's coming.

Happy times

I've tried to write this blog post a few times, both on here and in my head - hopefully this time I'll be successful.

It's not that it's difficult, more about timing.  But I feel I want to record what's happening at the moment, and that I'm happy.

The job isn't perfect but it's getting better (I don't feel so lost all the time), my living situation isn't perfect, but I like my room and now my landlady has gone off to France for six months Daniel (the other lodger) and I are getting on and the house is cleaner and more relaxed.

My friendship with Niamh (and Bubba!) is great, and my friendship with Liz is going from strength to strength (I love our long walks on Sundays).

The big news is that I've met a man - just when I was beginning to reside myself to being single (and actually enjoying it - isn't that always the way!?).

We met through a project we both volunteer for, he asked me out.  We've not been seeing each other very long, but it's going really well.

He's 10 years older than me, a civil servant, widower, has three children (one still loves at home), and we get on fantastically.  Our first date was 6.5 hours of talking!

We text each other a lot, it's like being a teenager again! I hope it works out.  More on that on a later date, I just wanted to record it.

In other news, and I've known for a while that this was going to happen, Colin and Samantha have got married!  In the States (Sam is American).  I'm really pleased for them, and I'm really pleased he actually looks happy.

Seems funny to end an email about me meeting someone with a photo of Colin's wedding! 

What are five passions you have?

This post is the latest in a series that I started back in 2012, and forgot about.  To find out more see this page.

It's hard to consider anything really as a 'passion', but there are things I'm passionate about so I'll list five of those (in no particular order, and it's only a selection of five out of many).

1. Nature/the environment - this is a big one for me.  It includes wildlife, woodland, animals, trees, climate change, recycling, anti-fracking, anti-nuclear.  I try to do as little damage to our planet as possible, and appreciate the world around me.  I love being outside and being with animals.

2. Photograph - I got my first camera when I was about 8, and I've never really lost my love of capturing what I see around me.  I've always 'seen' the world in photos, and over the years I've enjoyed learning to create images with more skill.  I've been lucky enough to make money out of this passion, but now it's just a hobby that I love.

3. Books - I can honestly say this is the one thing I know I couldn't live without.  I love books and reading.  Novels, picture books, reference, non-fiction; I want them all!  I have a massive book collection, and find it hard to resist buying more.  I'm always reading something.  I love the knowledge within them, and the different places and times they can take me to.

4. Solitude - although I can be very outgoing and love spending time with friends, I very much enjoy my own company.  My favourite thing is to go to a city cafe, order a coffee and sit with a book or my iPad (if I'm blogging). Or if I've got Bubba, a walk in the woods.

5. Travel - particularly city breaks.  I've been to Paris, Rome, Prague, Budapest, Barcelona, Brussels, Amsterdam, Istanbul, Athens, Dublin.  Next on my list is definitely Berlin.  But I also love exploring the UK, Scotland is my favourite and a visit is long overdue.  Now I've got a car I'm planning a trip up there as soon as I can afford it.

Getting old

It's been a few years coming, but I've finally given in and got new glasses, varifocals!

When I was in China I realised that when I looked at the back of my camera I thought photo were out of focus - but of course they weren't.

In the last year I've begun taking my glasses off to read stuff - a situation that was beginning to get annoying, and since I only had one pair (and kept taking them off) I was scared I'd lose or break them.

Finally I got an eye test and ordered some varifocals - now I'm getting used to them.

I love the frames (even better since they were only £70 with lenses), but finding the focus bit for what I'm looking at is not easy, especially for close up stuff - like my phone! 

Over a year

It's been well over a year since I posted on this blog, and to be honest I'm not sure what's brought me back to it - or even if I'll stay.

So much has happened.  I'm now single, I'm currently unemployed (but more on that later), I'm staying with a friend (more on that too!), and I've been half way round the world and had lots of adventures.  Yes, my life has certainly changed, and definitely not what I expected it to be at the age of 43.

I'm currently staying at my friend Niamh's house in Woodseats, sharing with her, her two daughters and Bubba the miniature pinscher.  I've been here a couple of months and I really do enjoy staying here, Niamh has been fantastic and having a dog around is the best thing ever.

My house is currently rented out, and until I have enough money coming in each month I can't even consider giving my tenants notice (it has to be two months notice).  

I got back from travelling at the end of March, and if I'm honest I was exhausted and I'd had enough. I just needed to recharge - although in true me style, I've not really done that and I'm certainly still in need of a rest!  I visited India, Nepal, Tibet, Vietnam, Thailand, Cambodia and Laos over six months. Nepal and Vietnam were my favourite and are both places I very much want to go back to, with the passing of time I've come to realise that I did enjoy India (at the time I found it very difficult), but when I return there (and I would like to), it certainly won't be on my own - it's too difficult as I lone female.  You can read about those adventures (including being in Aberdeen for a month when I first got back) at Molls Travels blog, and as always there are photos but this time I've not really had a chance to sort them so the best place to look is actually Instagram. 

In a week I'm going to be starting a new job, I have to admit to not being very sure if it's right for me, but that's mainly as I'm not exactly sure what the job entails!  It's a multinational company with a European head office in Sheffield - out on the Parkway.  For anyone not from this area, the Parkway is a dual carriageway which connects the city to the M1 motorway, off to either side are industrial parks, and that's where I'll be working.

This means that I have to buy a car for the first time in about 5 years, there really is no other way of getting there unfortunately.  So, i've been looking around for a Peugeot (smaller than Gzu though), but I'm not going to commit to buying until I've got confirmation that I've passed all the reference checks.

They've required my work history and references from the last five years! and bank statements for the last three months, as well as photocopies of my entire passport (to check that I really have been travelling) and my degree certificates.  They know more about me now than anyone.  If I don't pass all the tests I can't have the job, and if I don't have the job I don't need (and can't afford) the car.  So I'm waiting as long as I can before I buy.

Mid August I'll be moving out of Niamh's house into a shared house in Meersbrook.  I'd like to move into my house but I also want to save up some money first (to pay for house repairs and also for a trip somewhere).  So my plan currently is to stay in the shared house until at least the New Year.

One thing I'm going to miss more than anything is the dog - Bubba.  As Niamh and her boyfriend are away for two weeks I've had sole responsibility for him.  This means walking him twice a day, feeding him, and having him come and get into bed with me each morning for a cuddle!!  I'm loving the walking, it gives me a reason to get out into woodlands (I love trees), as he loves to run around in the trees - watching him just makes me grin from ear to ear.

Best mates

  

Good morning from Bubba!

Mrs

I'm in my early forties (although I'm told I don't look or act it), and I'll admit that at my age most women are or have been married.

So, I'll accept someone calling me 'Mrs....' - once.  Then, when I've corrected them (and I don't always, if I'm never likely to speak to or meet then again there seems little point), I expect them to remember.

I usually say 'Ms', but for many that's a step too far and I choose to go easy on them, 'Miss' is also acceptable.

My age means that people assume there must be a 'Mr' in my life.

As I get older and remain unwed I'm finding myself getting increasingly niggled by this - annoyed would be too strong a word, people don't do it intentionally.

Why does my status have any bearing on how I'm addressed?  In 2014 why does what someone calls me have to be dictated by my martial status.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a feminist particularly, I'm just a woman who wants to be defined and identified as herself, not as an extension (or not) of another human.

Although if I think about it for long enough I think the real reason is that I don't want to be 'Mrs .......' as I really dislike my surname, and 'Mrs ......' was my grandmother - and I'm not that old - yet.

Single

It hasn't been long, and I'm happy being single, I don't want anyone else......BUT I don't want to be on my own forever.

Which brings me to my next thought - should I start looking for a partner?  I don't feel ready yet, but all the evidence suggests that meeting someone in the digital age is hard, and time consuming......and I'm not getting any younger.

In a few months I'll be 42, and whilst I'm told I don't look or act my age (whatever that means), and I certainly don't feel it; men seem to be attracted to younger women.  

For years I've gone out with loners, men who had few friends (John, Colin and Rob); which means I don't have a collection of couple friends or a massive social network (since leaving derby I've realised how many people I thought were friends really aren't) - I'd like to make new friends.

I'd like someone to share my life with, to visit friends with, walk the dog with (yes I want a dog), to go on holiday with .... for various reasons my partners in the last 15 years haven't been able to give me this.

I don't for one minute think those 15 years were wasted, what I got from each of the men I was with was what I needed at the time (including space, freedom and independence) - but I need something different now. 

I need a partner who has something else in his life other than me and his work.  Someone with friends and hobbies to share with me, someone to share my friends and hobbies with.

And although I'm not ready yet, I do wonder if I should be looking, actively looking?  I'm not getting any younger, and there are so few opportunities to meet someone that perhaps I should be open to all possibilities?

Eyes

I think I posted a while back that I thought I might need varifocals.  I've been finding that images on the back of my camera, and on my phone have seemed out of focus - and since I was well overdue an eye test it seemed a good idea.

I was correct, my vision has changed and varifocals would be helpful - but at a starting price of £200 that won't be happening!  I has thought about buying glasses online, but in all honesty I don't think buying varifocals online is a good idea.

So I'm going to struggle on for a while and then when my arms are no longer long enough I'll either reconsider or buy some £1.99 reading glasses and switch between the two!

When she was test my eyes the optician remarked on how beautiful my iris' are, saying that they were really unusual - and then she asked if she could photograph them!

I have to say I'm rather mesmerised by the result!  The detail is amazing and the delicate lines are incredible!  The photos of the inside of my eyes are just too weird to share!

Where I'm at

Too much has been going on to write now, but suffice to say, I find myself newly single, unemployed and an ex Rollergirl - big changes that I'm slowly coming to terms with.

I'm missing John constantly (losing my partner and my best friend is hard), I'm not really missing roller derby (but I do miss some of the people, and the skating), and I'm looking for a job.

I've started Chinese lessons (12 weeks and so far after two weeks I don't feel I've learnt much but I'm enjoying it!), I'm doing yoga (6 week class but also practise most days), I'm going to the gym (up to running 5k in about 30 mins, need to increase distance), and I've done some casual work as a research assistant at the university (hopefully there will be more soon).

I'm not depressed, I'm still positive, but I do have moments of sadness - especially about John (I still love him).

Blog writing

I find I'm not writng my blog as often as I was, and I've got to thinking about why.

I started writing this in 2006 when mum was ill, really as therapy I think and as a way to record what was happening.

Over the years it also became a way of remembering, especially since my memory can be bad for 'non important' or 'everyday' things.

I also used it to rant; about climate change, about work, about other people ....but I think you'll have noticed that the rants have lessened, and so have the posts.

This may be a factor of time - for many years I worked at home and had time to bash out a blogpost, now I'm rarely at my computer and some evenings I really can't face turning it on (I have less need to as I can access the world on my iPhone!).

But I like blogging, and I love reading back (especially the book I make each year), and I know I'll regret it if I stop now - I never imagined that I'd still be writing 8 years later!

So, I'm going to try and make more of an effort.  I'll blog from my phone, which might mean that posts are a little more 'rough and ready' (or 'quick and dirty' - a phrase that my dear friend Buzz used to regularly use)! There may be less photos to accompany wordy posts (photo posts will still happen as that's very much part of me, but wordy posts like this probably won't get an image.  The formating might be odd, and there are sure to be more typos as I use the tiny iPhone keyboard - you'll just have to live with it if you want to continue reading!!