Automatic reading & book data logger

I can't remember if I blogged this at the time (a few years ago now), but it's worth sharing again, especially given the subject I'm currently studying!

What university fees are spent on - in Scotland at least.

Oh heavens this made me laugh!!  Enjoy.

PS. didn't Prince William go to St Andrews........

I didn't do this!

I have to admit that I really dislike the practice of leaving Bibles in hotel rooms - I think it's extremely arrogant of the Gideons to believe that theirs is the only religion and that everyone who stays there is a believer.

How about a shelf in each room containing the Qu'ran, the Torah, the book of Moron, the writings of Buddha, The Origin of Species, The God Delusion and something that people might actually want to read....such as a good thriller or romantic novel??

In fact I have been known to complain to hotel management about it.

But on this occasion I didn't complain as i the drawing in the front cover really made me laugh!

I'm not entirely sure what the phase 'dick bible' means, or how it is in anyway relevant - but it's funny nonetheless!!

Oh, and if you want to take this further, please visit - this funny site - and have a nice day!

More spam

spam cake
Originally uploaded by debbiedoescakes.

Spammers really shouldn't waste their time, somehow I don't think this is appropriate for me?!

I must admit, the penis is a man’s best friend.
While I was in college, I did the typical guy thing.
Went to bars, hung out with chicks; but getting them into bed was another story.
When I was fortunate enough to finally score, it was guaranteed embarrassment.
That’s what brought me to this site.
Having a 4 inch penis can’t be the most popular thing among woman.
Now that I’ve tried Dr MaxMan, pulling down my pants is no longer my biggest worry.
Will she be able to handle this my monster python? That’s what I ask myself now.
Thank You Dr MaxMan!
Jeff, Phoenix, AZ

PS. the photo is actually a CAKE! click on it to go to the makers Flickr stream!

Joke

Brickarms BAR Prototype
Originally uploaded by The Ranger of Awesomeness.

We were telling jokes at the weekend, I'm crap at remembering them, but this one has come to me now that the opportunity has passed! I believe it used to be one of Mum's favourites.

A guy goes off to his Army Reserve training, and the Sarge explains that due to funding cuts, they will have to change procedures. Instead of issuing everyone with rifles, they will need to pretend they have rifles, and when they want to fire the rifles, they are to yell "bangity bang bang!"

This seems a little odd to the recruit, but it's only training, after all.

So they head off into the field for the exercise. After a long, boring period of watching his allocated section of bush, he sees a movement.

"Bangity bang bang!" he yells.

The movement continues, getting closer.

"Bangity bang bang!" he yells again.

The bushes part, an a member of the opposing team appears.

"Bangity bang bang! Bangity bang bang! Come on, you're dead! You have to lie down!"

The other guy just keeps on coming.

Our hero braces himself, and as the other guy gets close enough, he whips out his imaginary bayonet.

"Stabbity stab stab!" he yells. "Stabbity stab stab!"

The other guy just keeps moving forward, trampling our valiant hero into the dirt, muttering "Tankity tank tank, tankity tank tank ..."

Overheard on a train

Chinese Porcelain Vase
Originally uploaded by Vivek 181088

Two women chatting about going on holiday and where they might like to go -

Mrs A – I've always fancied Thailand and China

Mrs B – oh yes! Thailand would be lovely we could go there

Mrs A – and we could go to China?

Mrs B – oh no! I've never fancied China, it's minging.......

no pun was intended.....I don't think they'll be going to China.

I've always been a big fan of Monty Python, especially the films - and particularly The Life of Brian.

One of the things I love about living in a vibrant city is availablity of events - growing up in a small Cotswold town without a cinema or theatre meant entertainment was limited to television or the video shop!

Filmed at the Royal Albert Hall last year, and only shown in cinemas for one night only I knew I couldn't miss this show. John and I had a lovely evening at the Showroom watching most of the remaining Monty Python cast (no John Cleese), an orchestra, a choir and three sheep sing silly songs about the life of Brian!

Wonderful!

Antidote to Cute Animal emails

A dear little girl walks into a pet shop and asks,
in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing
teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle
wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on
his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft
and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that
cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts
her hands on her knees, leans forward and says,
in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python
weally gives a thit."

TOP SECRET

TOP SECRET
Originally uploaded by MollsMusings

Sneak preview! Following my recording all the books I read last year, I thought you might like a sneak preview of a TOP SECRET 'Reading and Book data logger' John has designed for me.

Note the cable connection to my pie chart printer, webcam and the LibraryThing bar code scanner.

Excellent, can't wait to take delivery.

Operation

I've been threatening to turn Digit-Al into a stress doll for a while, and the other week I was off (and ill) so finally got round to performing the operation........

pre-op
Originally uploaded by MollsMusings

First removing his arms and legs (it's okay I sedated him first!) carefully so as not to cause any loss of stuffing......

operation
Originally uploaded by MollsMusings

When all his arms and legs were removed it was a case of sewing on velco........

during
Originally uploaded by MollsMusings

Then I was able to put him back together......

post-op
Originally uploaded by MollsMusings

Another gem from Vimrod

Being in complete control of your life is an amazing feeling. Apparently.
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

Everyone has gone completely mad...

Everyone has gone completely mad...
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

Yes, well, what can I say!?

The Hair Cut

Holga_04_23.jpg
Originally uploaded by Andy Tanguay.

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'

Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.

haha!

Brain
Originally uploaded by IsaacMao.

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '£5,000 for a male brain, and £200 for a female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

'Why is the male brain so much more?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used.'

Look away now if easily upset by sexual references!

Uncle Bertie's fondness for anthropomorphic
humour was almost infectious.

I've been sorting a few thousand military history books (click for a list, but I'm still updating it) out for Colin, we will be selling them but first they need sorting and pricing. The collection came from an ex-ancient history student of the university who recently died and left all the books to the archaeology department.

I've never seen so many books about tanks, naval ships and various battles, but also in amongst them are a few other subjects, novels, archaeology and erotica!

For Nora, the prospect of the Ongar Conservative Party
ball was extraordinarily thrilling.

One of the erotica books is a wonderful photography book of women's bottoms! Very tasteful and fantastic photography. Another is a book of illustrations by David Holland - drawn in 1920s or 30s settings, they are all rather rude, involving lesbian sex, bestiality and other things!

Anyway, I thought I'd share three of them with you - because they made me laugh (and they aren't too rude!).

Geoffrey always found it a bit of a struggle
to guess what a girl was thinking.

What's pink and fluffy?

Originally uploaded by Sweet Freak.

What's pink and fluffy?











Pink fluff!
What's blue and fluffy?











Pink fluff holding it's breath!!

I heard this on the Chris Evans show on Radio 2 and it really tickled me!!

I know life's a picnic

I know life's a picnic, but I just can't seem to find the entrance to the park...
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

Vimrod hits the mark yet again!

Daffodils bug me

Daffodils bug me
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

I could post a Vimrod every day - they are all fantastic.

To see more, and sign up for a daily cartoon visit - www.vimrod.com.

WTF?

Amazing!
Originally uploaded by The Forgemaster (aka priddypix).

I'm speechless!

It's a silly old world which is why I fit in so well...

It's a silly old world which is why I fit in so well...
Originally uploaded by Vimrod1.

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