Change The Way You Look At Introverts

This is so me!

Baby talk

I'm now in my early 40s and without children, I've had my moments of regret but generally I'm happy with this, having Cat and Peter in my life certainly helps.

But over the years I've had to learn a skill - baby appreciation - when an acquaintance or work colleague has a baby (or grand child), I've had to learn all the right things to say - and I say 'learn' because unless its a close friend and family member (eg. Iver or Imogen) it doesn't come naturally to me, and I'm generally not that interested in details other than, the baby's sex, that it's well and that the mother is well.

These are the questions I've learnt to ask, they seem to be the questions that are expected:-

"is it a boy or a girl?"

"how much did he/she weigh?"

"was the labour long?"

"do they have a name yet?"

"how is mum doing?"

"when can they go home?"

And the really important one in these days of digital photography -

"can I see a photo?" - but then of course there are the appreciative words to get right, and cooing noises to master when actually you are looking at a photo of a screwed up miniature Winston Churchill!! (I love the above photo!)

How does she....

....do most normal daily functions?  In fact how does she so anything?

Or perhaps she's got so much money that other people do everything for her? But the why is she on the bus?

Anyway, I can sort of understand false nails for special occasions; weddings, graduations, parties.  But judging by the predominance of nail bars on the high street, and the evidence in the office I work in, many women get their nails done weekly (at about £10 a time).

I've had false nails once, but they broke really easily (wiping your arse is especially difficult, and not the sort of thing you can ask some else to do for you), and the glue all but destroyed my real nails.

But then I've never gone in for false eyelashes or hair extensions either.  I'm far from perfect but at least I'm not a plastic approximation of what the media thinks a woman should be in 2013.

Phrases

Twice this week I've used phrases that others haven't heard of, both times I've been surprised!

Firstly I accused someone (jokingly) of being an 'Indian giver', and then had to explain its meaning - someone who gives a gift only to take it back again later or in order to receive something in return in the future.

The other one really surprised me that noone had heard the expression before, I said that I felt like a mushroom - kept in the dark and covered in shit.

I'm sure that's a well known expression?!

Surfing couches

 

My dear friend Kate had used the site a few times, and I love the idea of it so I also signed up for Couchsurfing.  The concept is simple; offer a bed, sofa or floor space for free to strangers who need somewhere to stay – and in return get good karma (and feedback so that you can go and stay places for free too).

The whole thing is built on trust, and to be honest it’s a risk – but hell, if you don’t take risks in life....

I signed up, and despite the decorating still going on in my house, offered some floor space in my spare room (as it turned out, I actually got a really nice wooden bed free on Freegle!).

I knew that I’d likely get asked if there were some big events in the city, and I was right; Doc Fest is the second largest documentary film festival in the world – I got four requests.  But the first one that appeared was from Lucie in Paris.  She’d read my profile and thought we had lots in common, and was coming to work at the festival – could she stay for 2 weeks!!

The usual stay for a couchsurfer is one or two nights, but hell, why not!  I said yes.

She arrived last week, I met her at the station and we got the bus home – and she’s been in the house (or at the festival) ever since. She’s been working so hard, but we have managed to have one evening out (a meal in the Red Deer and then to meet John and James for a drink).  I like to think we'll stay in touch and maybe I'll get to go and stay in Paris (although she seems to travel around a lot).

I’ve enjoyed having someone in the house again, and it really hasn’t been a hassle at all.  She even gave me some money towards bills (which I wasn’t expecting).

So, I’ll be couchsurfing again.  It was the first time for both of us and it’s been a really good experience – a great way to meet new people and share – I like the idea of sharing, and the reality of it is even better.

Yoga

At training last Sunday, Le Threat showed us Surya Namaskara A - I've done it a few times before but since I've been trying to get into yoga it was a great opportunity for someone to show me again.

She also sent us a link to this video, which I've not got on my iPhone and will try to do most days.

I can't afford to join a class but I do hope that Le Threat will continue to do a little 15 minute thing before skating on Sundays, I really enjoyed it.

Clear up?

I'm sure that somewhere I've seen that McDonalds pride themselves in clearing up their local environment - I know I've seen litter pickers around their car parks.

But the problem isn't the immediate vicinity, people will usually eat and put stuff in bins if they are available. The problem is about half to a mile away - about the distance that allows people to eat their food and then throw their rubbish down in the street.

You'd think that councils would have worked this out by now? A few well placed litter bins? Surely it would save the council money on sending people out to clear up the verges and woodlands? They could even get McDonalds to sponsor them?

Building

Oh, and I've built a cupboard for the kitchen.  Despite the Ikea instructions implying that two men were required to make the cupboard, this one woman did it!

Water or tea

£2.20 for a plastic cup of tepid water, but £1.90 for a plastic cup of tepid tea!! How crazy is this world when a cup of water on a train costs more than a cup of tea?

I understand (sort of) the need to charge for water; they have to heat it and store it, and the cup costs something too, and of course they have discourage people from bringing their own tea or coffee - but 30p more than if you have a tea bag!?!

The world has gone mad.

Thank you, thank you

I've just received the following reply to an email I sent out about two weeks ago.

Please do yes.
Thank you kindly.
Ahh I see ok, thank you kindly please do.
Thank you kindly.
To you too.
Kind Regards.

Seriously, that's all it said.  The problem is that my original email wasn't attached and I have no recollection of what I'm being thanked for!!

Annuals

I don't have many Christmas traditions, mainly since I don't do Christmas really (I believe it would be hypocritical to do so since I don't believe in God or Jesus), but these two magazines have definitely become an annual tradition for me.

Firstly, the Radio Times double edition; armed with a highlighter pen I go through and highlight all the tv and radio programmes I want to watch or listen to - listen again is definitely my friend these days!

Secondly, New Scientist Christmas and New Year Special.  I used to subscribe to NS, but since it's weekly I found I didn't have the time to read it, but now I always get the annual Christmas edition.  There is usually a round up of the year, and then a big collection of more light hearted scientific stories - nothing that's going to tax my brain too much but is still interesting and scientifically correct.

So, I might be too old for 'annuals', but these two publications are always welcome at this time of year.

Postsecret

Not my secret - but it could have been :)

Eight years ago Frank Warren printed up a handful of postcards with his address on, he went out into Washington (where he lived), and handed them out, asking that people send them back to him with a secret on.

All he asked was that the secret was the senders own, and that it had never been shared before - he expected to get a few back. They started being returned, he put them up on a blog.

Not long afterwards cards started arriving from further afield, England, France, Afganistan, Japan.....recently the count of cards topped more than 500,000. It seems people do want to share their secrets with a stranger (and via the blog, the rest of the world).

I've been following the website on and off for about six years and I have some of the books that have been published. I've even sent off a few secrets myself.

Frank has done lecture tours of the US for a few years and I've sent a number of messages and posted on Facebook (along with many others) that he should come to the UK. In June this year it was announced that he would be coming, and not only that, but that he would be speaking in Sheffield - I had to get tickets.

Despite being over £30 each, I ordered two tickets ten minutes after it was announced! I assumed that I'd be going with John, but that wasn't meant to be.

So tonight I went to see Postsecret live with Liz (who also reads Postsecret).

What a truly amazing, and humbling experience. Frank talked a little about the project, and shared some cards with us (top tip - if you want your card to have a chance of being in one of the books, make sure it's all your own artwork!).

The second half of the evening was devoted to the audience and the chance for people to come up to one of the two microphones to share their secrets. I was amazed at how many people did, and how moving many of the secrets. In fact I was one of the first people up to the mic.

One woman said that she breast feeds in public so that she can see the looks on people's faces, one man said that despite being in his 30s he shoplifts so that when he's caught his parents will have to pick up and that's how he tests their love for him.

Many others shared their stories of depression and thoughts of suicide, at least three people said that they hadn't left the house for years (due to various mental issues) but that they had done so for this event.

One man said that he has five identities, with five mobile phones and five sets of friends, but that he'd now met someone he wanted to share his whole life with but that he wasn't sure who he was anymore.

I spent the whole of the second half of the event in tears. So many damaged people struggling to find their place in the world, but also so much support and love in the room.

Part of the aim of the project, the blog and the books now is to raise money for suicide prevention charities around the world. Suicide is the worlds biggest preventable killer - and as someone who has not just come very close, but also lost a very dear friend to it, I'm glad there are people out there who gain some support from the Postsecret community. Frank hinted that it's helped his mental health issues, and if it only helps one person then it's worth it - but judging by the audience it's helped hundreds and thousands more around the world.

Tea wars

I know that wars have been fought over it, and obviously Britain is a nation fuelled by it, but you would never have thought that in a small local charity tea would be such a contentious issue.

Yet twice in the last week I've been told of occasions where things have nearly come to blows over tea - specifically tea bags.

I've worked in lots of places where staff are expected to get their beverages from a costly (and bloody awful) vending machine, or asked to pay for tea, coffee, sugar and milk by way of a kitty. But where I currently work the organisation very kindly feels that it is important to provide for their staff (well this is the north of england!).

So you'd think staff would understand that not everyone can have their favourite variety and that there needs to be a single type - so why not let it be Fairtrade, the best priced possible for all?

Nope, seems there was uproar - even now, when management have agreed that all tea and coffee will be Fairtrade, sometimes the person doing the ordering forgets!

Then there is the community cafe, where customers are charged 60p for a mug of tea. The staff member has tried to move on to cheaper brands than PG Tips or Tetley without telling the customers. She was complimented on how nice the tea tasted, but felt unable to tell customers that it was from Netto as she knew they'd turn their noses up and refuse to drink it if they knew.

I suggested that she try the Sainsbury's basic tea, then if anyone asked she could just say it was 'from Sainsbury's' - she asked if the bags were round or rectangular?

It seems that only expensive tea comes in round bags and that people would know if it was 'cheap' by the shape of the bag!!!

So it's not even about the taste - its all about whether it's a 'posh' or 'cheap' brand!?!?

How very English!

Married?

Their relationship isn't gong well, they aren't getting along at all - so what does he do, he talks to her. She says 'I want to get married, I want to have children' - so he proposes and everything is perfect again?

WTF? I know it's a film, I know it's not real, but please? So her life isn't complete unless they get married? And getting married will obviously repair the damage to their relationship?

Twenty minutes into the film I can't watch anymore - I thought we'd moved on from the 1950s, when all women wanted was to be was a wife? The fact that the film was made in the 1990s kind of makes it worse.

A walking stereotype

It's bad to say but the woman/girl/plastic doll sat opposite me on the train is a terrible stereotype of a woman in her twenties from Merseyside.

Obsessively playing with her hair extensions, false eyelashes and nails. Out of her bag has come a pair of UGG boots (she's wearing thigh high suede heeled boots), a packet of Marlboro lights, and her ever 'beeping' Blackberry (earlier she was talking on the phone whilst eating some crisps - how the other person understood a word I'll never know!).

She's had two mini bottles of cheap white wine and is noisily chewing gum as she sits there in her very orange fake tan and fake leopard fur coat.

Is this what men like? Is this my competition if I start looking for a partner? If it is I think I'd rather stay single thanks - I can't compete, and wouldn't want to.

Hello Kitty

I was introduced to Hello Kitty in 1978 or 9 by my friend Heidi - only a few items as the happy little cat hadn't really 'arrived' in the UK back then.

Now, 30 years later she is everywhere!

Jen gave me an awesome t-shirt a little while ago, and I have a few other bits too.

But yesterday I certainly out did myself!   Get a load of my new Vans boots.

What do you think Christina? Okay, so maybe not what some 40 year olds would wear - but when have I ever conformed to norms!??!

EEGs and bras

Being on the university email means that I get loads of emails to take part in various research projects, and since Jen's husband works at Hallam Uni I sometimes see theirs too!

If they look interesting, or it's a brief questionnaire I'll usually take part, working on the payback principal that hopefully when mine goes out people will respond.

But sometimes they are more than a questionnaire, they involve actually attending a meeting or interview, I usually don't have time for them.

But one that came through not only looked interesting, but also had the added incentive of £20 Amazon vouchers.

It involved two sessions 24 hours apart. Firstly I went and listened to nonsense words being read out (on a computer) and I had to decide if certain letter sounds were present.

Then the following day I did the same, but also listened to sets of words and indicated if I'd heard them before, and also had to repeat words (into a microphone).

The second day was certainly more interesting as it involved an EEG, basically watching my brain waves as I did the tasks. So a very weird cap (like a swimming cap) was put on my head, covered in lots of receptors, each had to be injected with saline gel to improve the transmission - a hair wash was necessary at the end.

I doubt I'll find out anymore about the project, but it was an interesting way to earn £20 - which I've spent on a sports bra!

Patience is a game

This morning, at 2am while I sat in bed playing a game on my iPad I got to thinking how things had changed, but also stayed the same in the 22 years of my working life.

The reason for this was the game I was playing. No Angry Birds or FarmVille, not even Sudoko. I was totally engrossed in a game of Patience (or Solitaire as it seems to be now called). And that's where things have stayed the same.

Back in the early 1990s we had computers (in some of the places I worked), we had Windows 3.0, and the only game available was Solitaire - a plain old card game invented for Microsoft by Susan Kare.

So additive was this simple game (or maybe it was that work was so boring) that many companies actually got their IT staff to remove or hide the game (if they hid it I often found it!) - one man at least is known to have been sacked for playing it whilst supposedly working).

If, like me, you played a lot you'll remember that if you changed the deck to the beach scene every now and again the sun would stick its tongue out at you from the back of the pack! Or did I make that up?!?

The soundtrack to many conversations with my aunt was the click, click, click of the mouse as she played.

If I couldn't get to a computer (we didn't have a windows pc at home) I'd sometimes even play with real cards laid out on the floor!

So, now I still play regularly. But 22 years later, things are a little different.

I certainly don't need the cards anymore, and even without them I can play anywhere - even in bed at two o'clock in the morning with the lights off!

This was my last game last night on my iPod - I won (the autocomplete turns on when all the cards are out and completion is possible).

Domo-kun

I'm a big kid at heart - nothing wrong with that (I bet that many parents love buying toys etc for their children, buying them things that they secretly want for themselves).

Over the years I've replaced a lot of the books I remember from my childhood, and enjoyed reading them again.  I also have some of the toys I had as a child.

But recently I've discovered a new set of toys - and I love them! 

Domo-kun is the mascot of a Japanese tv channel, he's a sort of monster with a fixed expression 'RAWR'!  They make lots of things featuring him, and although I've known about him for years I have always resisted the temptation to buy any - I knew it would be a slippery slope!

But last week for my birthday I gave in and bought myself a mystery box Domo - this means that you buy a box with a Domo inside without knowing which of 15 designs you are going to get.

I got Droplet (he might have an 'official' name buy I don't know it!) -

They are 2 inches high and the arms and legs move - that's it, nothing else - but I really like them.

There are whole communities on Instagram and Flickr which I've sort of been following, some of the photos are great.

So far I have Droplet (above), Banana Fuzz (he's furry) and Snowflake.

They aren't cheap, so I'll only be adding to my collection slowly (they are also quite difficult to get hold of).  If anyone fancies buying me one you can get them at most Forbidden Planet shops.

Two librarians

Two of us sat in a lecture theatre waiting for a lecture as part of our Masters courses, one doing electronic and digital library management (me), the other doing normal library management....and it shows.

We've been in here for at least 15 minutes, but other than a brief 'Good Morning', we've not said a word to each other.

She's buried in her book (John Updike this week, it's a different novel every week) and is scribbling notes in a battered Moleskine, I'm across the room typing a review of a book I've just read onto my iPad!

The two faces of librarianship - and whether she likes it or not, it's going my way (not to say that's a good or bad thing, and I did read the book I'm reviewing as a paper copy!).

Incidently, the image above comes from an interesting post about social media distracting adults away from books!