End of the affair

After three years and three months I think my love affair with roller derby is coming to an end - it's really hard to write that, and it's taken me a few months to come to the realisation.  But it's got to point where it causes me more upset and stress than happiness.

And it's supposed to be my stress relief and hobbies are supposed to be enjoyable aren't they?

Over the last few months I've not been going to training much, firstly because I hurt my shoulder, then due to being in Stockport, then China, then Christmas - now I've run out of excuses! I went last night and lasted half an hour before falling and really hurting my thigh, and then going home.

Things have changed so much within the team that I don't feel I get the friendship and joy I used to feel when seeing my team mates.  

Firstly a few people have left; Maid, Siege, Jane, Fleur, Bob (although Bob is reffing and Jane should be back in two years), and they are some of the people I regarded as real friends (not just team mates), and I miss them on track.

Secondly because of my poor attendance and drop in fitness I didn't make the a team (I also decided that I wasn't prepared to let derby eat my life in the way being in the a team would). This meant that the other few friends I have on the team, Cherry, Lethal and Luna all moved up to a team and I feel even more left behind.

I've always been proud to be in the b team, and Le Threat and Mel are there with me but because I've been off for so long I know no one else on the team and really have no reason to be friends with them (other than being on the team; I didn't learn derby with them and I'm over 20 years older than most of them!!)

I refuse to accept that due to my age I can't play a sport anymore, there are lots of older derby player (maybe not in my team, but across the world there are).  And anyway, there were people in their 50s doing Tough Guy at the weekend!!

So, where do I go from here?  Firstly I want to have a good chat with Christina (sorry!), she's always been good at helping me get things straight in my head.  Then if I'm leaving I need to stop payin £32 a month and join the gym instead (£18).

I don't feel I get a work out from skating anymore, and want to do more exercise, but can't afford both team subs and the fees.

I've started a yoga class and I'm very much enjoying it, and I've rashly signed up for a 12 week Chinese course (I picked up the course book today - terrifying!).

One of the things that I think has been stopping me from leaving is the fact that I'd get thrown out of the FB group, and although that might not seem like much, lots goes on there, much of it non derby - and I'll miss that.  For instance people post jobs, or events, or things we can do as a group - and if I'm not in the group I know I won't get to hear about things as much.

Anyway, I'm going to have to decide soon - the fact that I've not been at training will mean I won't get rostered for bouts - and bouting is the only thing I actually enjoy.